by Kristina Au
Being at this point in my coaching journey, I recognize just how different each person’s path is. In my experience, I feel like there are a few key things from the program that have stayed with me and that I lean on/continue learning from.
Becoming Aware
None of what I envisioned happened the way I envisioned it. Most importantly, I came into the program with this idea that I was already a great coach. Newsflash: I was not. I was a good mentor and consultant, but not a good coach. As my mentor coach said to me in one of our sessions “there is a tinge of advice giving, of ‘you know better’ in your coaching.” In that moment, I knew her words to be a truth that had long troubled me just under the surface of my awareness.
As an HR leader and professional older sister, I often did feel like “I knew better” than the client and would frame “leading” questions, providing surreptitious and unsolicited advice. Many times, these conversations yielded helpful clarity, but just as often, I would leave the conversation slightly uneasy, as if I had overstepped in some unnamed way. So, when my mentor called this out, it was a moment that yielded such a powerful variety of feelings and awareness that it prompted what good coaching should: an intrinsic motivation to change. Now, posted above my computer is an index card with the words: “I DON’T know better.” This reminder has improved my ability to open up more deeply to the clients’ experience and wisdom, thus providing better thought partnership; it has also brought profound closeness in many of my relationships. Powerful.
Unique Paths
Another way this program unfolded differently than anticipated was in the attainment of coaching hours for ICF Certification. The takeaway for me: each person is on their own journey, and each journey takes a different amount of time. I had wanted to get it all done and be ICF certified by the end of the program, but that was not possible for me for a few reasons.
I didn’t know what I didn’t know, which is just how much unlearning there is to do to rebuild true coaching skills. Individual situations also matter. When I started the program, I was between jobs; during the intersession, I began a new leadership role in a new organization which split my attention.
As a result, building my coaching hours took a back seat. For several months, this caused me concern. I was falling behind! This wasn’t the plan! I had set up some stiff expectations, and then punished myself when they were not met, not taking into account all that I didn’t yet know – about the process, the practice needed, my own energy capacity, integrating the learning, not to mention finding the clients!
Now, seven months later, my perspective has shifted. To truly embody what it means to be a coach takes time. Absorption at the intellectual level, physical level, spiritual level. Space to reflect on each session and what went well, and where to put focus for improvement. Gaining confidence in each part – partnering, contracting, correcting long-held habits, holding space – there are so many building blocks to feel both competent and confident. Getting off the dime and sending the email to potential clients – breaking through that fear/nerves barrier! My learning from this: take an inventory of what is 1) true in your life and 2) required in this moment. Then: allow the grace to chart your own course. You will arrive right on time.
Slowing Down
Another consistent and valuable piece of feedback from my mentor coach was to slow things down. Yes. An early career in the restaurant industry wove hustle into each fiber of my being. And today’s business environment reinforces these habits. But effective coaching takes time, and swimming against the internal and cultural current remains a continued effort. In coaching others – and in daily interactions, slowing down remains difficult.
But: I’m also learning that there is incredible grace in taking just a few extra beats. Where else can I slow things down? What if I spend a little more time absorbing each competency? When coaching, what would happen if I stayed a beat or two longer on a question, or in silence?
Awareness comes first and allows for practice. It is becoming a little easier now.
Final Thoughts
My journey through this coaching program was not at all what I anticipated. The actual experience of each week of Intensive and the Intersession were incredible and challenging, the confidence ebbs and flows both difficult and enlightening. But after sitting with the learning and insights for several months, I find myself more confident in my abilities and competent in my approach, while at the same time aware that the journey is just beginning, that the learning never stops. In this moment, I think: ‘what more could you want from this program and profession?”
